that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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