don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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