our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
