I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
