Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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