He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
