Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
