that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
