I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
