super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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