Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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