my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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