Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
