i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
