It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
