did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
