Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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