I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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