I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
