your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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