I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
