You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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