I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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