in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
