It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
