Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
A bitchslap is in order.
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