my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
