...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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