Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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