I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
