Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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