I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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