I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
