is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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