I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
