I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
