jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
