lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
