i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i drank out of a bidet.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Text me some of your sweat
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
