I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
