She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
