what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
two words: eviction party
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
