i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
