I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
