i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
