I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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