Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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