And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
