guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
