Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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