Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
