Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
