you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Never underestimate the power of titties
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
